Relationships at work may not necessarily be smooth because they are often complex, irritating, and confusing. No wonder others derisively dismiss them as “I am in a complicated relationship.” It is easier to strike a relationship at work, but it comes with challenges.
This explains why some corporations have established rules of engagement. Corporations have such strict guidelines to protect themselves against litigation, reputational risk, and distractions.
The most difficult part for employers is the supervisor and subordinate relationship. Where there is power inequity, it is not easier to rule that such a relationship is consensual.
A subordinate may feel obliged to submit to avoid the possibility of enduring a hostile working relationship or may also capitalise on the excursion to advance personal or occupational ambitions.
Supervisors may create compulsive circumstances for their subordinates to consent to their sexual advances. In such scenarios, a consensual relationship is ruled out.
Similarly, a subordinate fully aware of a supervisor’s sexual frailties may also create conditions to push a relationship to a finish line.
That, too, though both sides appear to consent, but coercion is palpable. In one situation, a police officer who was in charge of parole found himself in a steamy relationship with an ex-convict with whom he was supposed to monitor compliance.
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One thing led to another before the police officer knew; his judgment was clouded, and he had failed to do his job. Months after the electric candle was lit, his bosses learned what had transpired and advised the police officer to terminate the relationship.
He agreed, but no sooner did she call it quits than the ex-convict pounced back. She filed a lawsuit against the police for imposing a sexual predator to take advantage of her vulnerabilities.
She also alleged that the officer had pressured her for sex, or if she resisted, he would have reported her parole violations, which were many. She had armed herself with a long list of those violations.
Concerned with reputational risk and a long, protracted legal process, the police settled out of court with millions of dollars. In another situation, the chief executive officer of a large organisation was secretly dating his secretary.
Good Samaritans in the same office confided with his wife about the affair. The wife hired a lawyer who served the CEO with divorce papers and slapped the company he worked for with a substantial payout for condonation.
Big companies hate distractions and reputational risk, so the matter was quietly settled out of court. The terms of the settlement included a nondisclosure agreement. Companies do not want to egg on their employees to angle a bigger paycheck from a romance gone wrong.
When it comes to junior staff without power inequity, the companies tend to have loose rules but ensure employees know their boundaries.
Most companies permit asking out the one you have been smitten with, but you should not try again if the advances are spurned. If you do, you have violated the rules of engagement, and the affected party may report you to HR.
Before you know it, an investigation may commence, which will plunge the accused into non- or paid leave, depending on the circumstances of service.
Relationships at work are tedious. They are lovely when things work out for both of you, but if they are hobbling or flickering, both sides may suffer trauma.
Even if we overlook company policies, there are emotional investments, too. When a relationship ends, neither side is on the same page. In most cases, it is not mutually parting, but one of you is fed up. Then, someone close to you does not want to be around you.
This creates friction amd hard feelings of being used, taken advantage and disposed of. Deep-seated hate, anger and feelings of unwanted quickly subdue love. Loneliness and abandonment knock on the door. Bitterness and depression may also meddle with work performance.
In other vibes, the advances are rebuffed from the beginning, but the seducer keeps returning for more of the same.
When the victim knows the company rules, the investigation ensues, and the accused is placed on non-paid compulsory leave. The accused blames his victim and finds a way to exact a revenge.
He begins to stalk his victim. When the victim knows what is happening, he rushes to report the matter to the court, seeking and wrapping up a restraining order.
Even with all these concerted efforts, the stalker is obsessed and buys a gun to bring a sad chapter to what he perceives as “their nightmare”.
Both are later reported to have died from gun wounds inflicted by the stalker. Family and friends of the deceased victim hire a detective to investigate the conduct of the stalker.
The investigator reports about a slew of similar behaviour exhibited by the stalker. He recommends suing the company for negligence and criminal manslaughter. The argument is straightforward: the company did not diligently vet the stalker and, by doing so, exposed the deceased victim to mortal danger.
The company negotiates its way out with a hefty compensation settlement. However, not all workplace relationships turn sour. Some flourish to benefit the couple and the company they work for.
Where genuine love is robust, the couple feels obliged to repay their employer with fidelity, hard work, and commitment. The company benefits from higher productivity and satisfied employees.
Either way, romance at the workplace will continue to thrive regardless of the outcomes. Gaffing with risk and opportunities anywhere we go is part of life.
If you fear taking a bite in workplace romance, listen to your gut. It could have read that the other person is not a good fit. Incompatibilities may flicker out love at first sight and expose both sides to the harsh realities of picking a mismatch.
All these scenarios are experienced in Tanzania, but cultural inhibitions, legal intrigues, and introverted stigma prevent them from coming to the fore.
Hence, the real impact of relationships at the workplace goes unaccounted for and is extremely underestimated.
African culture highly esteem the romance initiator, particularly if he is a male. Male chauvinism is still highly regarded.
And, a victim is sneered at if he decides to confront the sexual predator. Workplace romance may be consensual between a supervisor and a subordinate since both seek favours.
Such a relationship bound by benefits is difficult to root out. It is a mutual conspiracy. They all feel like winners until they fail to meet their perceived obligations.
A supervisor may be lustful, while the subordinate’s greed to cut corners to get a promotion or overseas trips may cause her or him to hanker. Same-sex relationships are also on the uptick, although it is still taboo to bring them out in public.
It is an unforgivable sin to wash that dirty linen in public. In Kiswahili we forewarn: “….tafadhali sana usimwage mtama kwenye kuku wengi.”
Whoever outs them will have to bear the wrath of the affected couples and their surrogates. The revenge may be swift and irreconcilable.
Blossoming same-sex relationships at the workplace are metastasizing, and how they impact organizations is not clear because of shame and fear of ostracization and reprisals.
Where the matter is pursued in courts, bribes, stigma, and a repurposed slow-paced judicial process are enough to deter most victims from seeking retributive justice.
They unwillingly decide to let “bygones be bygones” and move on since local corporations hire lawyers to sneak something to the magistrates and judges.
Such legal assaults are dismissed because of a lack of evidence, time limitations, or some frivolous procedural matter, and the litigants go home empty-handed.
They feel cheated for what in Kiswahili saying: “Ganda la Muwa la Jana Chungu Kaona ni kivuno.”
Regrettably, neither literal nor meaningful interpretation of the hypothesis is provided to encourage language learning.
I remember a friend of mine who discerned to me that whatever you see in North America will soon be adopted and assimilated wholesale in the developing world, partly due to the inferiority complex belonging to a deceptively superior culture. We may not be there yet, but the march certainly is on!
